A letter, from my dog

My sister picked up Sage on Saturday afternoon, since we are headed to Aruba this week. Though there was some skepticism at her motives (i.e. convincing her roommates they did NOT need a dog), we were game. Lauren has never had to look after a dog and even started making little gagging noises when I demonstrated how to pick up poop. (Note: This is completely different from the night-time fakeout that my husband apparently conducts, whereby he leans down as though he was going to pick up the dog poop, but doesn't actually touch it and then keeps on walking. Nice.)

However, it appears I need not have worried. I just received this:

Dear Mom & Dad,
I'm having a fabulous time staying with my Aunt Lauren. The city is
very scary, but I'm getting more used to it every time we go for a
walk. Hopefully no one else will think i'm blind. That was insulting.

Today she had to leave me to go to work, but i jumped on her bed when
she left and took a nap. Her bed is very comfortable. Normally i sleep
under it, but i hide there when she tries to take me outside, so she
puts stuff in front of it once i get up. She's smarter than me.

Today we went to PetsMart. I do not like Petsmart. I layed down in the
aisle while Auntie Lauren picked out a new harness for me. When i
tried to run away my feet just slid on the slippy floor. Lauren said
"ha!" There was a cute puppy there that jumped up at me and gave me
kisses. I ignored him, but Auntie Lauren played with him.

I got a new toy today that i LOVE. My Auntie Lauren is the best puppysitter ever. I sent you a picture of me playing with it. It has rope AND tennis balls. I'm going to see how quickly i can destroy it.

I like Lauren's room mates too, they are fun to play with, I try to steal their food and socks, but then they learned my commands too, and now they can make me sit and lay down. too bad.

We went for a walk before bed tonight and i got to wear my new RED
harness. They had pink, but it was a really prissy baby pink that only
a sissy dog like Paris Hilton owns would wear. I would have no self
respect in that color, so i'm glad she chose the red. Anyway, I like
the harness because I don't choke myself when we go for walks, and i
don't try and pull lauren over either. I don't know how it works. I
think it's a magic harness that makes doggies good.

Well, it's my bedtime now. I need my rest so i can wake lauren up way
before she wants to get up with the threat of peeing on her new rug.

Good night mom & dad, have fun at the beach! I'll be here in the
freezing cold making Auntie Lauren get pneumonia! yay!

-Sage